Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Keepin it real - Hardships

A friend of mine mentioned that she missed keeping up with my life on the blog. That surprised me because I feel like my life couldn't get anymore normal and the exciting times consist of little one's learning new words, saying off the wall things or family holidays. But, life has been a little different this past month and I feel like I need to put some of it on paper just so I remember how exciting "normal life" is.

Way back on Dec 22 my hubby woke up with a cough. No big thing. The littles were sick and I assumed he was the next unfortunate one to get the cold/cough they both had. Well, by the end of the day he was complaining of achy joints, chest pain, had started running a fever and was looking pretty terrible! A visit to the MedExpress on the 23 diagnosed him with Pneumonia. The radiologist called about a half hour after we left and said they saw something that seemed worse than just pneumonia and we should go to the ER for a CT scan. Praise the Lord for big families bc 2 of Mark's brothers were able to come stay with the girls while we went to the ER. They didn't have anything new to say and the ER doctor wrote him off as "your 31 with an otherwise clean bill of health" so why should you get a CT scan. We trusted him. Learned my lesson there.

It took over a week for Mark to get back to somewhat normal but even then, he still was complaining of chest pain, had a consistent cough and was over all weak. Many people said that pneumonia really takes it out of you and he'd be better in a week or two more. Well, the chest pain became so bad one night that he was seriously worried that he might be having a heart attack.

It was also during this time that we discovered I was pregnant. We were excited but nervous and surprised because we weren't trying (or avoiding for that matter). Once the idea settled in that we'd have another one and we were just thrilled, I miscarried. 

I urged him to call his pcp, who had cleared him of infection around new years day, and go get checked out again. Well, to the naked eye, he was fine. No physical problems to speak of. But, having just recovered from an infection in his lungs they ordered another xray. That xray confirmed that something was indeed off and he needed to go for a CT scan so that they could get a better look at his chest/lungs and all mid-chest internal organs. They called that day and said he needed to go that night for a follow up.
-remember that ME radiologist who said there was something off in the Xray and the ER doc who said he didn't need it? Yeah well, he should have had it! 

Urgency from doctors is never good.

Mark refused to let me go and was trying to tell me that everything was going to be fine. I acted like I believed him but my gut, oh my gut was telling me different!

He called on his way home and told me something, honestly I can't remember what was said but I could tell he was glazing over the meat of the diagnosis. He did mention that the pcp was not a specialist and he needed to see one...It was not until after the girls were in bed that night that he finally told me the "specialist" he was going to see was an Oncology doctor. I WAS going to that appointment. Which was today.

There's an excessive amount of lymphnodes in his chest and a small mass of tissue that shouldn't be there between his bronchial tubes. There are 3 outcomes at this point:  Sarcoidosis (not so bad), Lymphoma (bad), or another cancer metastasized in the lymph nodes (worse).

Sarcoidosi is an inflammatory disease that is found mostly in the lungs and is a small tissue mass that forms after an infection. It could be an acute problem is this turns out to be the case and he might have to deal with it for the rest of his life. Given Mark's history with lung problems, this is absolutely a possibility but given the excessive lymphnodes found, this is not the only possibility.

He will need to have a biopsy done asap to figure out if this is malignant or benign.

I haven't wanted to talk about this much because the outcome is unknown. I can't plan anything for more than tomorrow when so much is on the line. His life, my 31 year old husband's life, could be on the line. Nothing will make you stop and really reflect on what's REALLY important except the possibility of losing one of THE most important people in your life.

When I miscarried, I prayed to God to tell me why this baby was placed inside of me for such a short period of time and almost instantly I heard "servant" in my heart. I felt that this baby while it would have been a blessing, and in it's short life inside of me was a HUGE blessing, it was not the right time to welcome a new life. God knew what I am able to handle. I felt Him calling me to be His servant for someone in my life. Little did I know how quickly I would be called forward into that role. 

We are trying to keep a positive outlook. Pray for us. Mark is a very positive, silly person but I know he's nervous. Pray for us to accept God's will and to have all the grace we need to get through this hard time.


  1. Prayers for you and Mark and your whole family, Colleen!

  2. I am so sorry to hear this. We will be keeping Mark and your family in prayers. Please keep us updated ... do you know when he will be able to get a biopsy done? Let me know if there's anything that you need or I can do during this time!

  3. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your baby. That is hard to deal with at any time, but I'm sure your current circumstances have made it even more complicated. It may not be helpful to you, but when I had a miscarriage, I found it very comforting when others shared their own experiences of it with me. Let me know if you want to talk about it anytime. As for Mark's diagnosis, I can't imagine how you are both feeling right now. I will keep you all in my prayers.